Published Jan 10, 2020 by Bonnie Ontko, MA

Group Think

How to Maintain The Real You While Still Belonging

A sense of belonging is an important part of a healthy lifestyle. We all want and need to belong to something; friends, church, work, family, etc. There’s real power in belonging, and there’s real power in a group.  On one hand, a group can provide you with a sense of community and support; your personal tribe. Additionally, a group can accomplish so much more than just one person, like the adage, “Two heads are better than one.”  In the corporate world, it’s the team concept. Just think of what humanity has accomplished in history by virtue of a group!

But, here’s the tricky part: Groups of all kinds reflect the collective conscious (and unconscious) of its constituents or its leader. A group ends up having a mind of its own—a hive mentality, with its own agenda. You can easily get swept away with a collective ideology, and before you know it, you end up behaving or thinking in ways you otherwise wouldn’t.  Group agendas cover a wide spectrum of activities; some good, some not so good. People band together to stage protests, join together for a worthy cause, take a political stance, adopt a gang mentality, participate in group prayer, and much more. Group mentality can operate right out in the open, or on subtle levels, such as feeling like you have to agree with opinions of others without having all the facts. That’s where “group think” can become dark, destructive or dangerous. Who’s really setting the agenda or cultivating the ideas in a particular group? Is it for the greater good? Who benefits from a given mindset?

Groups can be healthy or dysfunctional, and anything in between. Examine the groups you associate with. Are there too many power struggles? Is there too much gossip? Is the group mentality in complete alignment with your personal values? Or, do you sacrifice, or compromise your individuality merely for the sake of belonging? How much can you still stand on your own without relying on the opinions of a group, or worse yet, risk being ousted entirely? There’s amazing power in groups. But there’s also individual power that can’t be compromised or sacrificed either. Sometimes you have to stand on your own for awhile in order to ensure your identity and individuality is preserved. Belonging is needed so much in our current isolation-oriented society. Yet, you need to be careful about the sacrifices you make. Create a personal checklist or caveats in order to avoid getting swept into something you’ll regret, or have difficulty unraveling later.

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